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i bought amy this t-shirt. i don't know what because i am seriously broke right now and it was a lot more than i would normally pay for a dress let alone a t-shirt (i don't spend much on clothes...so its not as wildly expensive as you may think. but for me it was). but it was very strange. i felt i had to, and before i knew it i was handing over my card to pay. it was 'right'. my nickname is banana.

afterwards i was reflecting on why i felt such an urge to buy it for her. and i thought perhaps through material things we try to bring people we care about closer. when she wears that t-shirt she will think off me. if people ask her about it she will have to tell a story that includes me.

the fact that it was expensive (or perhaps more that it was from a little t-shirt boutique near convent garden) strangely added to my desire to buy it for her despite my dire financial state right now. i know how hard she works and i wanted to buy her something 'special'.

for most of our childhood, until the age of about 18, we never bought each other presents, christmas or birthday, because we thought it was weird and pointless. we shared everything anyway, and most of experiences were together (although i doubt we could have articulated why we didn't buy each other presents at the time, we just found it weird).

as we have grown older, developed our own identities and moved apart in physical distance we buy things/find things/make things/send things regularly to each other throughout the year. the more we have developed our own identities the more i see that i want to send her. perhaps as a way to keep us connected, share experiences and close the physical space between us and try to keep our experiences shared. but also because we know what ever we send will be received with understanding and appreciation. she'll 'get it'.